They should be arrested and tortured

As someone who does not believe in the death penalty, but DOES believe in horrible forms of punishment for crimes against society and humanity – like shooting them in the knee caps, needles under the fingernails, or perhaps – slapping them in public just to make a statement.


OJ Simpson:
Three words: WHAT THE F***? I am really surprised this man has not been knocked off. He contributes nothing to mankind. Who gives a shit if he once did. He has nothing. He is nothing.



K-Fed Kevin Federline: He nailed Brittany Spears. Whoopdie Friggin Doo? Who didn’t? You just knocked her which proves you were to stupid NOT to pull out.



Scott Weiland: Dude – Steven Tyler and Heroin: 6 years. Curt Cobain and Heroin: 3 Years. Layne Staley and Heroin: 4 years. YOU? Pushing 15. Tyler quit after Hep C, Cobain shot his head off because he was so depressed about being on it, Layne Staley was dead of an OD 3 weeks after appearing on MTV’s unplugged in 1996 with NO skin color left, and you keep showing up in different bands and running into microphones on different award shows? OD or get off the pot.



Paris Hilton: This rich giggling c*** does nothing except cash trust-fund checks, puke after eating, and apparently will blow you in infra-red.



Mariah Carey: The fact that she breathes the same air I do is an offense. She boasts her Shure wireless mic studded with 100 1-carat diamonds cost her $250,000. Sorry tramp – you peaked in 1992. AND I GOT NEWS FOR YOU: YOU HAVE A LISP!!!!!!!! And here’s a singing tip: When you blare out one note – just a thought: quit trying to smash in 50 different up and down pitches in one 10-second period. Look mama - if you're so embarrassing to black people they are saying “she’s white!” then become a producer. Get away from the microphone!



Axl Rose: Dude – got one word for you, you ego-megalomaniac half-talented Hoosier: SLASH


Rush Limbaugh: A convicted serial pedophile rapist would run on the republican ticket, and because he was republican, you would be first in line to give him an oxycontin-induced reach-around.



Dave Ramsey: You are an elitist douche-bag. Jump into head-on traffic. But please ensure the car you jump in front off – that the driver isn’t upside down on his loan.



Madonna: Help – Gay night-club DJ starving Hindus in Rwanda are calling for your help.



Charlie Rose: I know this is an odd-ball entry, but I have watched him a lot. 30 minutes of getting to hear the guests – MAYBE get a “yes but” or “no and…” The rest of the time he cutting them off, talking more about them to them and never allowing them to answer a single damn question. I never knew of anyone who loved more the sound of his voice than anything else except me.



CNN's Nancy Grace: This useless horrible human being, I am sorry to say, has had twins. As a political liberal, and CNN watcher, when she comes on the tube, she makes me what to be a right winger NRA member. She looks and sounds like a Southern Holier-than-thou debutante - you know kind of like the chick in Animal House who was giving the frat-guy in the convertible a hand-job with rubber gloves on. Her whole demeanor, in ways I wish not to go into - remind me of my mother.


Roger Levi: Local Evansville Jewelry store impresario: I love his radio commercials. Whenever I think about some of the friends I have with drinking problems, one of his incoherent radio spots will come on. “Hi. I’m Roger Levi. In 1914 when Grandpa Kohn saterd hif firmth tore he wanded everoneda have qualitydiamd ad low prifef.”
Anyone with any sense in advertising who hears someone who sounds like Corky from Life Goes on will say, “Uh – hey Roger. How would you like it if someone else did your spot? Please? Seriously? Not kidding here. Here’s a softball, go throw it around in the back yard, ok?”

AND THE NUMBER ONE OBJECT(S) OF MY WRATH AND DISGUST:
The Housewives of Orange County.
These over-aged washed-up siliconed parasites that A&E have glorified make women seem like complete idiots and objects who are nothing more than puppets under control of someone else. There are many people who control the aging vaginas of these tanning-boothed whore bags: Dolce Gabbana, Donna Karan, Rolex, Jimmy Choo. etc. etc.. These yeast-infected wrtetches to society have just 2 jobs in life:
1. Do kagle exercises every 10 minutes
2. Keep husband's dong in their mouths whenever husband is around.

But ya know? If a 65-year-old millionaire offered me a Lamborghini or a Bently every year, I could learn to ease my gag reflex...